might as well write a quick blog
So, if you’re reading this, and I haven’t talked to you in awhile, you might like to know that we’re buying a house tomorrow! Pretty big news! I figured I’d let the blog world know.
Life is constantly getting busier and changing, but it is good things.
I think that’s all I have to say right now.
eehhhh….
I kinda wanna continue this blog and I kinda don’t. I kinda hate the way I think of this as a way to process things, which can keep me from processing things in face-to-face relationships. But it just feels like face-to-face is so hard to get anymore. No one has time, except my wife….and she’s great. But we need to all hang out more in person.
I think Jeremiah was right, the invention of e-mail [and other internet communication] did not make communication more effecient, it just makes us less connected and less productive and helps us settle for more cheap relationships.
Am I being hypocritical for writing this in a blog? whatever.
I’m kind of annoyed right now. at lots of things. I don’t like feeling let down.
I wish we could shake off the chains holding us down and live out the Kingdom the way we’re supposed too.
it has begun…
I went mountain biking yesterday. Its been way too long…. since I only went once or twice last summer, it felt like I haven’t ridden in years! But the ride was good…. and it was good to “talk bikes” with my new friend Mark for a few hours. I’m not nearly as sore as I expected to be. Dude, I’m so thankful for yesterday. I’m so glad to get back into one of my hobbies. I’ll probably never get into the music scene like I used to be, but I think I can get back into mountain biking, at least when the weather is good.
Can’t wait for the summer!
money
Last night, I got to thinking about some radical ideas about how to handle money. It’s wierd having money now and having all these options of what to do with it. Should I buy a house, invest it, save for retirement, or just let it sit in savings and take my time figure all that out (which is what we’re currently doing)?
I really liked it when I didn’t have any money. Yes, just a few years ago, after making no money for over a year, I ran my account down to $0, I felt more free than ever. Of course, I had the comfort of mooching off my parents as long as I needed till I got some regular income again. I even got a free trip to Houston during that time with the Red Cross! That was the life. No money…
Now I have money…although we’re living quite simply, I feel kinda rich. Part of me thinks that if we really believe Jesus and we really want to be in community that we wouldn’t hang on to money for the future. (And we definitely wouldn’t play this game of investing at others’ expense) Why don’t we all throw it all into a common pot and trust each other so that we can live off of that money when we need it? And I’m not talking about this 10% stuff…..how about all of it! What if we had one bank account that we share with 400+ people. I know, its super-idealistic and there’s all kinds of reasons it probably wouldn’t work. But wait, do we avoid being the church cause we think it won’t work. Of course not! Its not perfect, but we still trust each other and the Spirit that guides us enough to try!
I’m pretty pumped about the way things are with our community. We do share money and we do have ways of helping those who need it. But it feels like it’s still so easy (for me, anyway) to be individualistic. It’s easy for me to isolate my money and do what I want to secure my future. Maybe it’s not all selfish, I’m saving more for my family than for myself, but still. If I have extra money right now, should I give it to someone who needs it? Or should I put it in the bank for my peace of mind?
And retirement…. I don’t really want to make my kids take care of me, (I know I don’t really want to take in my parents). But it somehow feels like saving for retirement is a “pattern of this world”.
What do you think?
an incredible attitude
I thought this was so amazing that I’d share it. Written by my friends’ dad. We’re going to the memorial service tomorrow.
Dear Family and Friends, 3-18-2009
On Tuesday, March 17, at 4pm my beloved Cindy went home to be with our Savior. God gave her so much enabling grace through this whole fight with cancer. She had been sleeping almost night and day for a week but was able to hear what we said to her, and sometimes, faintly respond. On Sunday morning she woke and I was at her side. Immediately, I whispered in her ear, “I love you, my dear.” She whispered, “I love you.” I tried to slowly sit her up as I normally did, but it was clear that she had lost all strength.
As we saw signs of her fading, the kids and I spent the whole day Tuesday at her side, playing hymns on her ipod, singing, and praying with her. I noticed around 3pm that her breathing became more shallow and at 4pm she simply breathed her last. God’s appointed time was fulfilled, and she passed on with the same kind of gentleness that filled her life.
It was the most bitter-sweet moment I have ever experienced. My flow of tears seemed like they would never stop but then they melted into thanksgiving to God for his grace in saving her from her sin and giving us such an incredible gift.
As I knelt next her bed I recounted to the kids: “Do you remember when we were in Siberia and we had Hunter come to teach our missions team? I remember one afternoon he read Galatians 5:1-‘For freedom Christ has set us free, stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.’”
Our Lord was teaching us that if we truly believe that we are declared righteous before God by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone (Galatians 2:15-21), then the holy Law of God no longer has authority to condemn us. For those who believe in Jesus Christ for their salvation, God has removed this function and authority which God uses to lead us to Christ (Galatians 3:15-29). The application of this reality is that with fearless faith we should no longer surrender to any sense of condemnation. Conviction of sin that leads to repentance, yes. Condemnation, no.
“Then Hunter turned to us and asked, ‘What would you do if you really believed this freedom you have in Jesus Christ from God’s condemnation?’ Turning to Cindy he asked, ‘What would you do?’ Without pause, pointing to the piano in our living room, she said, ‘I would get up on this piano and dance.’
Folks, this is a conservative, do anything you can to not be noticed, Mennonite girl. Her breaking out with freedom in Christ was to dance before God with unabashed delight in his grace. Then I told the kids, “Your mama is dancing before the Lord….She’s dancing right now in utter delight.”
This brings great joy to my heart even as I feel an incomparable loss. Thank you for all your prayer for Cindy and my family over these months, and your many expressions of love. I am the richest man on earth…and my wife is one of the greatest reasons I feel this way.
Sincerely,
Paul
Next time… You’ll be better.
On Thursday night, I was really thankful to spend some with the current Mission Year participants. Caz (the current leader of the flock) had asked me to come share about what “gift” I’ve recieved from Mission Year. It was a really good opportunity to reflect on a difficult part of my life that happened about 4 years ago. I haven’t really re-engaged with anything mission year-related since I was done. Maybe it was hard to see the positive stuff for a bit. But I realize the “gift” I got was the negative stuff, in a way. Going through the emptiness and doubt is what has led to really pursueing God and Jesus. It was also really affirming for me to be viewed as “mature” and “having life experience” by these young adults. I usually see myself as so new to adulthood and feel kind of clueless about life. But maybe I do have something to offer. I really needed to realize that.
On Saturday, I was thankful for the love and grace Danielle showed me while I was in a crappy mood for no good reason. It would probably be good if I could treat myself that well too. Sitting by the river is very healthy for me. Thanks be to God for leading us all.
and Yesterday, I got to play. I needed to play too; I may have been thinking too much lately. Sometimes you need a break from that. Not only did I get to play, but it was with a frisbee and with Carl! Awesome! And it was the first in a long time where I got to play with neighborhood kids and get to know them by name. Of course they didn’t want to stop playing frisbee, but we were tired and thirsty. So we started walking home, when a couple of young adult males at the edge of the park asked us to play handball. Now, I say young adult males, because its significant. Its easy to find little kids to play with (we didn’t really try to find them or invite them to play, it just happened), but I rarely get much interaction with dudes my age in the neighborhood. So we stopped and played handball and made fools of ourselves. The guys were really nice and taught us all the rules and didn’t make fun of us at all. Even I would have made fun of us! We played against the side of a row home on a slightly busy street, so the rules weren’t terribly strict, but we learned the terminology (in-do?) and the one guy told us “Next time you come, you’ll be better.” How encouraging, I’m sure you could take just that quote and think of about 5 analogies to life and spirituality.
Lunchin’
Once again, I’m taking a laid back lunch at work. There’s a couple tasks to get done this afternoon but my motivation is low. It always gets this way when I’m at the end of something….. college semesters, mission year, living at home, single-ness, jobs….. right now I’m just at the end of a Cycle with my adult-ed students. They’re doing presentations and recieving awards on Thursday, but many of the regular students haven’t been showing up for class lately. So my motivation to work hard right up to the end is gone. In a couple weeks, new students will start and I’ll have to develop new lessons and work harder. While I enjoy the relaxed pace (and the snow day!), I look forward to having to be more productive. It seems like there some other areas of life where I spend a lot of energy thinking about the exciting new things that are to come and lose motivations for what’s right in front of me.
Update: Two highlights of my long weekend were my mutli-hour walk in 60 degree weather on Friday and sledding in 20 degree weather last night. Crazy!
I think I’m really doing this
wow, dude, I’ve never realized how many features and options there are when you create a blog. I imagine mine will just be pretty simple for a while, but I could really kill some time playing around with it.
so today was my first morning of having 20min. of silence before leaving for work. soo good. The test will be to keep doing it even when it doesn’t feel good.
The weekend is looking to be pretty exciting. of course, I’m easily pleased, cause I would be excited about the weekend whether there were a ton of things going on or if there was nothing going on. but I’m taking off work tomorrow, mostly just to have a day of solitude, so I’m pumped about that.
git yo butt outside and enjoy this weather, ok?
p.s.- if you’re reading this and you have a blog, let me know, I’ll check it out.
blog for lent
Maybe lent is a good time to start a blog. I have no idea if I’ll stay committed to this or not, or if I care. But I’ve been reading blogs more lately, and I’m feeling a desire to contribute. This year is starting out to be a time of a lot of forward motion for me (and us). I’m excited and full of hope about the future. (definitely NOT the political kind of hope) I’m thankful for those that inspire me. I want to read more and become deeper. I want to have more silence and more real relationships. Lent is a good idea to jumpstart this stuff.
That’s all I got for now, not sure when I’ll be back.
